Why Pursuing Certainty and Security Will Kill Your Creative Drive
For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a professional artist. I went to college and studied art. Although I was highly interested in the creative side of life, I approached it in a very logical and linear way. Like the good kid I’ve always been, I followed the rules and I found myself with an office job shortly after college graduation. To my disappointment, getting a cushy office job made me extremely unhappy.
Because I spent so much time feeling uninspired and bored, I filled my time by listening to podcasts about living as a creative entrepreneur and digital nomad. It was because of these podcasts that I felt super inspired to want to quit my job right then and there. I refused to live a boring life but I had bills to pay. How was I going to come to terms with these two realities?
We are here to CREATE our own path and discover what it looks like as we go.
I then told myself that in order to achieve my dream life, I had to work 24/7 and never take breaks. I followed the advice of many “hustle hard” entrepreneurs, and forced myself to produce daily, which only led to burn-out, overwhelm, and frustration. I tried building a creative business multiple times but things never really took off. I realized that my definition of success hadn’t really been my own. It was then I began to see that living life as a creative was all about authenticity.
Authenticity can mean a lot of different things to different people but at the core of the concept is all about attracting like minded people to your creative endeavors. People who will not only be raving fans but also support you financially. The hard part about authenticity is implementing it in concrete ways since it’s a bit of an abstract concept and difficult to identify for ourselves. This problem is then compounded when “being yourself” has historically been a dangerous act for people who come from marginalized groups. It’s no wonder why it can be so hard to “be authentic” in business and everyday life as a creative person of color.
For so long, I practiced putting on masks and pursuing goals that weren’t of my own design and out of alignment with my definition of success. Some days, I still feel like there’s a right way to live, an established path to follow, which feels so much easier, safer, and predictable to pursue. But the reality is that as creatives we are not meant to follow norms and pre-established paths. We are here to CREATE our own path and discover what it looks like as we go.
The creative life is not a safe and comfortable static place, it’s an adventure, filled with mystery and excitement.
It’s also true that following your true calling won’t always be easy. Your mind will play tricks on you, making you question yourself and wonder what you’re doing daily. You might berate yourself with “what if…” questions to try to ease your anxiety and feel some sense of control. You might feel pressure to have to have it all figured out, to have the right answers, to appear smart. But following security and certainty will only kill your sense of wonder, which is a critical skill for out of the box thinking.
In retrospect, all the failures were exactly what I needed. I wasn't ready for any kind of success because I was mostly seeking external validation. I hadn't yet allowed myself to truly learn and grow for my own satisfaction. I wanted to matter, to be seen, to be recognized, to be understood, and valued by others without first loving and valuing myself. I believed my creative work would be the way to achieve this love and validation I desperately craved.
The creative life is not a safe and comfortable static place, it’s an adventure, filled with mystery and excitement. A life filled with curiosity, freedom, exploration, personal growth, and self- discovery if you allow it to transform you. Release all external expectations of what your life should look like and create from an authentic place even if it feels scary and new.
Renata is a creativity coach guiding women of color creatives to breakthrough creative block with therapeutic art making. She’s currently offering a free copy of her therapeutic art making workbook when you sign up for her email list. Sign up here to get your free copy.
