You’re Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself—Here’s How to Stop

Feb 11

If you’ve ever felt like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’re not alone. So many of us—especially those of us who are neurodivergent, sensitive, or multi-passionate—fall into the trap of thinking we have to do it all, perfectly, all the time. But what if you didn’t have to? What if you could finally let go of the pressure and embrace a life that feels more aligned, more easeful, more you?

As a creativity coach for women of color, I know how deeply this pressure can impact our well-being. So today, let’s unpack some of the sneaky ways we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves—and, more importantly, how to break free from them. Ready? Let’s get into it.

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The problem with being gifted and having potential

As neurodivergent, sensitive, intuitive, creative children, we tend to show our gifts really early on without even realizing it. This is all we know, it’s our daily normal, and because of this we think everyone else experiences life the same way. But this isn’t the case.

I grew up with siblings who needed a lot of support and help. My parents spent a lot of time and energy managing whatever was going on with either of them and as a result I was left to fend for myself. I think a big reason for this has everything to do with my high levels of empathy.

I’ve always been very aware of the world around me and it has always been easy for me to read the room, understand how other people are feeling, and better yet how to make them feel better when they’re feeling down.

So, it was no surprise that as soon as I realized my parents were struggling I decided to jump on the opportunity to be supportive. I wanted to help. I thought that being easy and becoming invisible was the way to earn love and validation. And when I realized I could get attention through good grades and achievements, I leaned into that hard.

This is where the cycle starts. We grow up thinking we have to keep proving ourselves—to parents, teachers, bosses, or any authority figure. And before we know it, we’re stuck in a loop of constantly doing, improving, helping, believing our worth is tied to what we do, not who we are.

Internalizing past mistakes and getting rigid

One of the biggest ways we hold ourselves back is by internalizing past mistakes and getting very rigid. If you’ve ever made a mistake, felt like the world was ending, and blamed yourself for things going less than perfect, you’re not alone.

I remember the first time I tried to build a website for my boss at a restaurant job. I was just starting to learn web design, but I wanted to prove myself. Long story short, I messed up the code, and the website went down. I felt like a complete failure. The shame of disappointing someone else—and myself—was overwhelming. I thought, I’m never doing that again. I’m staying in my comfort zone forever.

Does this sound familiar? Many of us avoid taking risks because we fear failure. But this mentality is limiting and unrealistic. Making mistakes is part of the process of growing and learning. Growth requires that we take chances and that we learn from them. This is how we get better.

And as sensitive, intuitive people, we often feel other people’s disappointment so deeply that we try to avoid it at all costs. But perfection isn’t real. It’s an illusion that is only going to keep us stuck. This is why it’s so important that we find low pressure spaces where we can play and experiment freely without worrying about other people’s reactions.

Making yourself small to avoid inconveniencing others

Another reason we may be putting a lot of pressure on ourselves is because we're trying to make ourselves so small to avoid inconveniencing others. We avoid speaking up, asking for help, or even making simple requests—like sending back the wrong drink at a restaurant—because we don’t want to be a burden.

I used to do this all the time. I would order something, realize I didn’t like it, and still force myself to drink it because I didn’t want to inconvenience the server. That seems small, but multiply it across years, across relationships, across work situations, and you start to see the pattern: the fear of taking up space. The fear of advocating for what you actually want.

But you don’t have to live like that. Your needs, your wants, your comfort—they matter just as much as anyone else’s.

5 Tips to Start Releasing the Pressure

Now, let’s talk about practical ways to let go of this constant pressure and start prioritizing yourself.

Lower Your Expectations (Yes, Really!)
If you always aim for the absolute highest standard, consider taking it down a notch. What if "good enough" was actually… enough? Give yourself permission to NOT do the most all the time.
Do Less
You don’t have to be responsible for everything. Take a moment to assess your life. What’s on your plate that doesn’t actually belong to you? Let it go. Set boundaries. Protect your time and energy.
Aim for "Good Enough"
Perfectionism will steal your joy. If you struggle with feeling like your work (or your existence) has to be profound and groundbreaking to be valuable, let me remind you: simply showing up and doing your best is enough.
Prioritize What Energizes You
Start noticing what drains you and what excites you. Make more time for the things that bring you joy—especially creativity. Art, music, movement, whatever calls to you—these things are not frivolous; they are fuel.
Challenge Your Own Internalized Sense of Urgency
We live in a capitalistic society that is constantly asking us to do more, to produce more, it glorifies hustle. But just because everything feels urgent doesn’t mean it’s urgent. Slow down. Question the rush. Take your time. Ask for accommodations. You deserve a life that isn’t dictated by external pressures.

Key Takeaway

You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to do less. You are already worthy—just as you are.

So, take a deep breath. Let go of the pressure. And start putting yourself first.

Let’s Work Together!

Want to go deeper into slowing down, letting go of control, and perfectionism, check out my new coaching program: Rediscovering Play Through Expressive Art Making.

This is a six-week journey to help quiet your busy mind, reconnect with your intuition and tap into the wisdom of your inner child through expressive art making. No art experience required, just a willingness to play and explore!

Renata is a creativity coach empowering neurodivergent and multi-passionate women of color, to use creativity as a tool for self-discovery and healing, so they can let go of feeling inadequate and insecure and start experiencing more confidence and self-acceptance. She’s currently offering a free copy of her therapeutic art making workbook when you sign up for her email list. Sign up here to get your free copy.